As part of my resolve for continuous self-improvement, I tend to vex people around me through incessant conversations of:
Me: Tell me. Please honestly and bluntly tell me how I’m doing. Am I doing good for you? Am I contributing enough? Am I a good friend? Am I a good employee?
to which they (employers, friends, family) will most often reply:
Them: Yeah, you are doing super great. Why do you keep asking this? You’re great. [They really said this. I’m not exaggerating]
Drat. My insecurities live in action.
The one thing I discovered this week through readings of blogs and articles, a demotivating (need I say, heart-rending) conversation among friends, which was followed by an uplifting soul-searching monologue and a text-based consolation from another friend, is the need to distinguish criticisms and praises of self (and other people) to work-related and character-related issues. We should not jumble both together.
For example, instead of saying, “Am I doing okay?”, say, “Did I do okay in this task?” Same thing for praises. Instead of saying, “You are a great person”, say, “You did great for this homework.” You can read up more about character-building praises and criticisms with a simple Google search for “effective criticisms/praises.”
Back to my situation. I should not make my work quality a test score for my personality. Can you imagine what might happen if I perceived every rejected proposal as a part of me being rejected? Hello, massive brain damage.
So, for the sanity of the people around me and myself, I will work on separating work and the Chrissy ego. And, to criticise and praise something in particular, and not as a general aspect of a person’s character.