Inspiration / It's my life! / Psychology

Praise and criticise: Work stuff is not character.

 

As part of my resolve for continuous self-improvement, I tend to vex people around me through incessant conversations of:

Me: Tell me. Please honestly and bluntly tell me how I’m doing. Am I doing good for you? Am I contributing enough? Am I a good friend? Am I a good employee?

to which they (employers, friends, family) will most often reply:

Them: Yeah, you are doing super great. Why do you keep asking this? You’re great. [They really said this. I’m not exaggerating]

Drat. My insecurities live in action.

The one thing I discovered this week through readings of blogs and articles, a demotivating (need I say, heart-rending) conversation among friends, which was followed by an uplifting soul-searching monologue and a text-based consolation from another friend, is the need to distinguish criticisms and praises of self (and other people) to work-related and character-related issues. We should not jumble both together.

For example, instead of saying, “Am I doing okay?”, say, “Did I do okay in this task?” Same thing for praises. Instead of saying, “You are a great person”, say, “You did great for this homework.” You can read up more about character-building praises and criticisms with a simple Google search for “effective criticisms/praises.”

Back to my situation. I should not make my work quality a test score for my personality. Can you imagine what might happen if I perceived every rejected proposal as a part of me being rejected? Hello, massive brain damage.

So, for the sanity of the people around me and myself, I will work on separating work and the Chrissy ego. And, to criticise and praise something in particular, and not as a general aspect of a person’s character.

 

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