In a week, I will sit for an exam and hand in my research poster. After that, I have an important poster presentation. It’s clear that I have to pass all three to graduate.
But, I’m not worried. In fact, I’m pretty cool about it. This is the first time in my university years that my mind is not consumed with thoughts of work.
Yes, I am a workaholic, a trait I inherited from my mom. I work a lot and if necessary, I can spend 33 hours awake doing work (or others). My motto in the past few years was “Sleeping is a waste of time.”
Why do I act like that? Personality-wise, I’m a very serious person. And, very competitive too. I believe that life is very short, so I will not take it for granted. I want to live life the best I can.
But now, I’m a different me. I don’t care about the deadlines I have the next week. It’s liberating.
By not taking them too seriously, I am not stressed out. I can even do other things I like without the usual feeling of guilt that haunts me when I am not doing school work. I’m free and happy.
Am I feeling this because I’m confident of my skills? Or, is it because I know that whatever I do, it will not change that I will graduate — unless I do something really foolish like not attending the exam. Is this feeling of mine really because I’m letting go, or is it because I am procrastinating?
Putting those negative thoughts aside, letting go is such a nice feeling. It’s freedom. That’s why letting go is one of the greatest life lessons and, a pillar in Buddhist teachings. Before I die, I hope that I can let go of this needy side of me that craves for worldly somethings to feed my inexhaustible ego.
Have you felt this before? This let-it-all-go feeling? This carefree feeling? Or, are you always happy-go-lucky? If you are, how I envy you.