Two hours ago marked the last day of my university life — at least for now — and I can’t help but wonder on the reasons my friends are so celebratory about it.
On my Facebook wall, now, a few of my friends are saying adieu to their school days with nostalgic posts and photographs. I see pictures of happy-looking students and random snapshots of the campus (and of the administrators). I see goodbye phrases like “Oh, how the past four years flew by” and so on.
Well, you can sense the sarcasm in my previous paragraph because that was sarcasm. But, I admit reading those posts made me feel disconcerted and a little ashamed of myself. It made me curious on my blasé attitude towards graduation. Did I miss out something? Why am I, a helpless romantic, not sentimental about this?
By saying that I am exhibiting a behaviour unlike a typical graduating student, I am not trying to say that I’m unique or better or anything else that is probably running through your mind now. It is just how I feel. I feel nothing special. Graduation is just another experience.
Looking back to my previous “graduations” from primary school, high school and college, I see a pattern. I find it easy to close one chapter and move on with life. I find it so easy to separate myself from these institutions and never look back. I guess, you can say that it is because I’ve never attached myself to them. And, sadly, this includes my university here.
Is this something to be proud of? I don’t know. Well, it does make me adaptable and I don’t get homesick. Is it something to be sad about? Maybe. By being emotionally detached from this place, I know that memories of this place will soon disappear. Memories that include the people I’ve met, lived and worked with. Memories that include the little stuff that I was enthusiastic and passionate about during that short period.
So, more than anything, I think this is the saddest part of saying goodbye. It’s not graduating that is sad, but forgetting. And, I know in a couple of months, I will not remember most of it. Some say that the things that we forget are not worth remembering in the first place as we did not integrate them into our personal views of life. Well, all right, I’m sentimental about losing my memories.
On a slightly happier note, I always laugh at myself when I think of my Dory-like short-term memory as it makes me recall an image from a childhood cartoon I used to watch. I don’t know which Nickelodeon cartoon was this but this cartoon was about a ginger-haired girl. One time, she was in a situation when she had to recall a specific memory and we, the audience, got a close-up of her brain. We see many mini-ginger-haired girls running around organising memories in stacks of boxes. One mini-her was in charge of throwing memories into the garbage bin. I think the reason why this memory stuck with me for more than a decade now because I keep thinking that my mini-Chrissy is throwing 99% of the past memories into the garbage bin to make way for new ones. I find that fantasy hilarious.By the way, if you know this cartoon, I’ll be so grateful if you could tell me too.
Funny how we remember the smallest things like a cartoon image, but forget larger things like the people we’ve been with for a year.
This is part of my reflection of the week story. These days, I have lots of time to read, reflect and watch superb movies like “The Artist” (omg, it’s awesome!) and “Attack the Block” – Wow! Don’t you just love feel-good movies that respect your intelligence? This week, I reflected on my attitude towards graduation while last week, I reflected on giving advice to where it is not needed nor heeded. Now, if only I can develop the discipline to meditate daily…