It's my life! / Music

Sometimes, I just feel like bursting

You know, the bad thing about being alone in a foreign country is that when you have achieved something, and you want to shout out with glee, there’s no one to tell. There are times when you want to spill your heart out and there’s no one to listen to you. I like solitude, it relaxes me. But, too much of it makes life a little bit empty. My family and best friends are overseas and often not online and friends here are busy with their own lives (I should not mention this but I will. There are friends, and there are ‘friends’, you know). Thus, when I’m feeling peaky and restless because of the fiery turbulent emotions in my heart, I write. I write because it gives me an outlet to say “Yes, I’m bloody genius!”, or “Gosh, I’m miserable. How can I do work in this sleep-inducing weather?”, or “Oh, god! When is this never-ending work going to end?” The best thing about writing is that I can express both negative and positive feelings without irritating my friends who say that I complained too much, a statement which I truly hate. Is it so wrong to express my feelings? And a point to note: Whenever I talk about my dislike for something, I will work on repairing it. I just need to talk about it. Imagine this: There you are pouring your heart out, and later they say you complain too much. What a turn-off. Can you blame me for creating a self-protective barrier whenever I’m around them now? Thus to avoid unnecessary conflict with such friends, I write these down as well. Writing gives me an outlet to debate whether all this work and inner conflict is worth it, and really, for what? “Why do I do this to myself? It’s not like I’m getting paid, or acknowledged. So, why?” It’s an opportunity to self-explore. Of course, writing to nobody and to everybody, also gives some relief to my friends in GTalk and Facebook who I’m sure are getting annoyed with my endless idol and music spams. I can’t imagine the chaos I inflict through my daily music postings on my Facebook friends’ walls. My latest crazes are IAMX and JYJ. I just can’t stop talking about them. They are the most awesome music personas that have appeared in my life. My heart feels like bursting when I see them, when I listen to them, and when I read about them. Especially JYJ. They are just so inspirational. Their lives, their struggles to becoming music artists instead of mindless idol puppets, their innovative marketing strategic, I hope, in a decade or two, would be featured in biographies like those on the Rolling Stones. So, I write. I write about my life. I write about nothing special to nobody special, but this makes me happy. I will end off with one of the many songs I love from JYJ’s latest album, a song composed for and dedicated to its fans. JYJ is an awesome band. They are not merely a J-pop or K-pop band. They are more than that. A music phenomenon with good looks, great talents (they can sing anything: Accapella, dance, rap, R&B, pop, ballad), they can act, they can produce and direct concerts. And, they have good hearts as well, donating to charities despite their current predicament in the music industry. They are rebels. They cause ripples in the music industry to make changes for the better. Ah, I love them. I’ll stop now. I will jump around to release my pent-out exultant feelings. Hoorah!

Latest update about today: I did well for my first art history in-class test. I can analyse Gandhara Buddha and Greek statues now. Hoorah!


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