The song-of-the-day that reflects the me today: Take What You Take by Lily Allen
With those statements alone, I feel a sense of release. I feel relieved. I feel like I have lifted a megaton boulder from my shoulders. My heart is singing with joy.
In the past few days, I did a lot of soul-searching, and I have set up this blog to publicly acknowledge my vow to understand myself better. I can’t say that I have truly accomplished my goal, and probably I never will. But, I’m taking it one step at a time. Better now than never, I say.
And my most important lesson-of-the-day is that I have noticed that there are people around me who put me down. I don’t know whether to say that I’m fortunate, or unfortunate, that these people tend to give me subtle put-downs instead of mean words. And, with my ignorance, I didn’t really noticed it besides the fact that I get really gloomy and demotivated after meeting these people.
You know the sort of people who are so gracious and polite, but leaves you feeling bad about yourself afterwards? Yup, I mean those people. Probably, they didn’t mean what they had said, or they didn’t realize about how those words and gestures came across to the recipient, or maybe they are horribly pessimistic people (according to these websites: YouMe Works and Life with Confidence). But, I just know that I don’t feel good being around these people.
Maybe, it’s because I used to be a pessimist myself. I had been a pessimist for over 19 years. I looked at the bad side of things, and I do not hope for much in fear that I will get disappointed. And then, one day, something happened, and through my self-determination, I broke that terrible habit when I was 20.
Now that I’m 22, I’m more optimistic about the unpredictable future. I want to see the beauty in the world. I don’t want to see the bad side of people. I don’t want to return to my old pessimistic me. Maybe, that is why I don’t like being around negative people. To constantly hear the words ‘no’ and ‘but’, it’s very tiring and gloomy.
As a parting remark to this post, the below are the milestones of my life (from last Sept):
- Last September, I was ignorant. I cried when I was a recipient to a mean response to my cultural shock.
- Last December, I was still a little ignorant. I couldn’t pick up the subtle put-downs I received from a friend of mine from Singapore.
- Today, I am no longer ignorant. I am able to spot the put-downs but I am no longer shaken. I am able to understand that there are certain aspects that might be true and useful for me to learn. But, I also learned that I don’t need to change my perspective with every word people say to me.
Hoorah! After 2 weeks of constructive criticisms, I am finally, getting a picture of what I am and what makes me me. Saying it one time wasn’t enough, thus, I have to repeat this: I feel an extreme sense of relief. I’m on the right road to my goals, and I’ll smile my way continuing down this path.