It's my life! / Psychology

Seeking for an identity

There’s only one word to describe me this week: Gloomy.

A problem has landed heavily upon my shoulders in the past few weeks. All right, if I were to be honest with myself, this problematic cloud has been hovering around me since high school.

I am having an identity crisis.

Why do I say that? In the past few weeks, I have got feedbacks from my friends about me being too accepting. And, as a final blow, last Friday, my CEO mentioned, “Chrissy, you must find an identity. Think about all the advice I gave you, but don’t readily accept them. Find what makes you Chrissy. What makes you Phoong Yoke Xi.”

Considering that these were random situations and random people mentioning about the same issue to me, I knew that I have reached the tipping point. I have to change.

The problem is, I’ve been aware of this problem since high school. Since college. Since entering the university. And, since entering this entrepreneurial programme in Stockholm. I knew it all along. I knew about this matter but I’ve never got around to rectifying it.

I’ve always been a people-pleaser. To my parents, to my friends, to my acquaintances. I just cannot be mean. Of course, there are times when I lose my temper. However, I would feel instantly bad afterwards and would repeatedly think about that bad situation for the entire day. There are people whom I truly dislike, but believe it or not, I am still planning to give them souvenirs. I know I am definitely not a sweet-heart (because of my short fuse), but, sigh, I seriously don’t like making people feel uncomfortable, or unhappy. It makes me unhappy to see them unhappy. How ironic.

And because of that habit, I have this identity crisis.

I’ve come up with a work plan for me to find an identity. In the course of the next few weeks, whilst anticipating assignments, presentations, events, and my one-month summer trip, I will constantly ask myself these few questions that I have obtained from Psychology Suite101:

  • What makes my heart and soul resonate? When do I feel most happy and relaxed?
  • What’s the first thought or feeling that I have when I meet a song, person, memory, or experience?
  • What’s the third thought or feeling that I have when I meet a song, person, memory, or experience?
  • When – and with whom – do I feel depressed, sad, or drained? They are people I should avoid.
  • When do I feel physically ill or unhealthy? These are situations I should avoid.
  • What meetings, visits, or events do I find myself dragging myself to? These are circumstances I should limit or eliminate.

I need to be stronger mentally. I aspire to be a journalist with the courage to expose news that need to be heard to create changes for environmental sustainability and to improve our education system. I cannot stay on like this, like a bamboo, bending and swaying according to the wind’s temperament.

So, what’s my mantra for this month? ‘We have to constantly evolve for the better’.

Well, that’s that. I am publishing this online to make this a public vow. Good luck to me!

P.S. Breezing through the comments in that psychology site made me realise that a lot of people having the same problem. Nice to know I’m alone, but I’m sad to learn that this problem is widespread.

Posted via email from Chrissy’s posterous


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